My Life has Exploded

I'm looking at the disaster area around me...this really needs to change - our lives are busy, I don't have time or energy to clean. It's disgusting. Hopefully when I can start running again I'll get some energy back so I can get the house back on track.

This week has been really exciting. David decided to potty train this week which was a welcome gift! I received a phone call from daycare on Tuesday saying David wasn't feeling well. So, off I went to pick him up and when I got there he was crying hysterically (not like him at all). We got home and it became clear very quickly that the issue was severe diaper rash. Since we were home I took off his pants and let him run. Trying to get it to clear up as quickly as possible I figured it was a good move.  After a couple accidents and putting him on the potty he just picked it up and has been great since. Only one accident at daycare!

I haven't been running at all this week from what I suspect is a knee sprain. I've really missed it since it has become a really great release and escape for me. Plus, there is only 22 days until my next 5k and there is still a lot of training I need to do. My goal is to be under 33 minutes and comfortable running that distance by the time it comes around.  I was just getting to that point last week before I had to take a break for this damn knee.

Dan is incredibly excited to do some work on his mini-truck this winter. He's acting like a little kid in a candy store telling me about all his projects and the stuff that he is going to do. I'm excited for him and David really enjoys spending time with Dan in the garage and taking rides in his truck so it will be good for both of them.

Oh, and one of my exciting projects is this years Halloween party. I've been slacking the last couple years so I'm excited to go all out this year. If you have any ideas let me know!

Day 33 - 3 Miles

After Monday's run my knee was really bothering me so I decided to take at least an extra day of rest. Yesterday my knee felt good so my Mom came over and I headed out. It was still drizzling and a little chilly but it felt good after the first quarter mile. All in all it was a good run, it was hard but I was proud of my time and that was basically the only thing that kept me going.

My knee is going to hurt today...I can already tell so I think I'm going to take 4 days off and see if I can get this thing healed.

Day 33
3.02 Miles
33:16 (11:02 Mile)

September 15th

In some sick way I look forward to this day. It gives me the opportunity to reflect and realize how proud my dad would be of my life. The life that Dan and I have built for ourselves is something to be proud of no matter how much we struggle or succeed; we built it by ourselves for ourselves and no matter what happens we should be proud. Sometimes that sentiment gets lost during the year and I’m sure it is like that for a lot of people. Sadly, it is today that it all comes back to me.

I’ve come a long way in the past 3 years. Everyone grieves differently. When my Dad passed away the next couple weeks were a complete blur. Trips to the airport to pickup and drop off family, visitors at the house, phone calls from friends, every night we were out surrounding ourselves with people we were close with. Then I found out I was pregnant with David and my full attention was diverted to pregnancy and getting things ready for a baby.  For the first year I never had the opportunity to think about the fact that my Dad was dead, gone, in heaven, and I would never see him again. The next year was bad. I took it hard, harder than I think anyone expected me to and I internalized a lot of it. In hindsight it probably made the process a lot tougher than it needed to be.

It wasn’t until last year, probably around this time, that I could think of him being gone without getting the mental image of his last day. Every time I saw an ambulance tears would come to my eyes and I could literally see him and remember the feeling of sitting in the room watching him. The fear I had running through the hospital only to open the door and hear the worst sound in the world. No matter how hard I tried to think of the good times I couldn’t get past the sights and sounds of that day.

This past year has been a lot better. The passing ambulance still makes me think of him but not necessarily a tearful one. I’m capable of talking about him without getting choked up, laugh at some of the dumb jokes he would tell and being able to imagine some of the funny things he would say in response to some stuff that goes on in my life.  More often it is ‘Ha! If Dad was here’ rather than ‘I can’t believe my Dad is gone’.

Each day gets better and one day I’m sure that I will be able to make it through September 15^th without reliving every minute of that day 3 years ago. For now I’ll just remind myself that he would be proud of me and the life that Dan and I have built together. For now I’ll just remind myself that he was an awesome Dad and that I was lucky to have him while I did.

The Broken Chain

We knew that morning
that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
in death, we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
you did not go alone;
For part of us went with you
the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
your love is still our guide;
And though we cannot see you,
you are always at our side.
Our Family Chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same;
But as God calls us one by one
The Chain will link again.

-Unknown-

RIP Dad 

10/1/44 - 9/15/09